What a Birthday!
An hour before my birthday, I had this sadness in my heart that I don’t understand. I’m supposed to be happy because it will be my special day, to celebrate another year of my life. But it’s odd ‘coz I’m feeling sad. I don’t know if it’s because of the telenovela that I was watching that night (well that’s one guilty pleasure I’ll admit *hehe*). The girl was saying her final goodbye to the guy, main reason because she feels like she’s just a burden for him. He’s hurting that he cannot have the love of his life. So she decided to let go of him. She told him she needs to ride the train or else she’ll miss the last trip. Though it hurts for him to say goodbye the guy let go of her hand. But while inside the train, she couldn’t understand why she was crying. She’s also in deep pain. And after that program, I couldn’t understand either why I was crying when I got into my room. I tried to suppress my how I feel but it’s so strong I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I was feeling the pain that the two main characters felt when they parted away. It’s really weird. I cannot imagine being affected so much by what I’m watching. Then I remember all the pain I felt before. It’s true that it’s hard to let go of someone you love. And it’s harder to forget when you know he still exists. Why does love hurts? Why is it hard to let go? Why can’t you have the person you love when you know that he’s just right there? Then I knelt on my knees and started to talk to God. I told him all the pain that’s inside of my heart. Asking Him to take it away and let me be happy especially on my birthday; that I will find the true happiness in my life, whether or not I’ll have a person to love. Then, I’m already saying to Him that I put my trust and my life for Him and to His glory, in singleness or not. I guess my birthday is still a special day because He made me realized that I have to put my trust to Him and only to Him. That God is faithful and He knows the desires of my heart.
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