Letting Go
I thought I would never have the time to blog again. This time it took me to be at my saddest for me to write again. Siguro kasi I could only say what I feel through this medium. Hindi madali na mag-share ng nararamdaman. Mas lalong hindi madali na aminin kung nasasaktan na. Almost 2 months ago, my life was the same as usual. Work, family, God and old good friends I have. I could say I'm happy and contented. Little do I know, I would get myself involved sa isang sitwasyon na hindi ko pinilit, hindi pinlano, at hindi gustong makasakit. It has always been my principle to live my life right, may takot sa Diyos, walang sasagasaan na kahit sino, at magiging masaya ng walang masasaktan. Pero sabi nga, life is hard. Hindi madaling manatiling mabuting tao. Minsan hahantong sa sitwasyon na makakasakit, na masasaktan ka. I was brought up that way. Yung maging mabuting tao. I grew up filled by God's words. But life also is the best teacher. Sabi ng marami, lahat ng bagay my dahilan. Madalas ayaw ko paniwalaan yun. Merong mga bagay I feel like nangyayari due to mere coincidences, or dahil ginusto na rin nating mangyari. Siguro excuse lang yun kasi mahirap tanggapin ang totoo. The truth hurts. But the truth also sets us free. It's just a matter of accepting it. I dealt with that situation the best that I could be and the best that I could give. Pero parang kulang pa. Parang may mali pa rin. I started asking questions and looking for answers. Some dala ng pagiging impulsive. Just to end the problem. Pero hindi din pala ganun malulutas lahat. I thought madadaan sa magandang usapan. Pero ang taong nasasaktan, hindi madadaan lang sa magandang usapan. Baka naman pag nag-give up na ako, then things will somehow be fixed. Kasi may isa ng susuko. Pero lalong hindi malulutas ang kahit na anong problema sa pamamagitan ng pagtakas. It's a coward way of saying I don't have the courage to face life. Mas madali kasing sumuko kesa ang lumaban. Little by little umaayos na lahat. I still don't believe that time heals all wounds. I only believe that love can. and the willingness to open up your heart and mind. I tried to walked away many times. It didn't do me any good. so here I am, facing the truth. Masakit to give up a friend. Lalo na kung ngayon lang may lumaban para sayo. Maybe it's not how you were fought, it's why you were fought for kaya mahirap mag-give up. Things may not be crystal clear for now. It would even take a while. Baby steps. Sabi ko nga, hindi pala sorry ang hardest word. It's goodbye. I don't know kung magagawa ko completely yun. Kung hindi ko man kaya, God is bigger than me. I guess I'm just learning the art of letting go. To trust and believe on His will. For Him to show His love even when I never care. I just have to let go and I'll understand.
